Rain+Tears!

~  'I enjoy getting soaked in the rain'

~  'Natural. It's very fond of among teenagers, but a more ahead, i mean to say in your age It's not a matter of stupefied. '

~'But then, I cry. Like rain, my eyes get wet with tears...'

Sourov sir closed his eyes thinking about something & says,'hmm.' nipa pushed me a little by her elbow & said,'drama'. It will reach to sir, i didn't think that but it has reached. He said, 'no, no, not drama, there's a fitting Bengali word - 'dukkhobilas.'

Dr. Sourov is an assistant professor of psychology department. Fair skin,long face,a full head thick hair & a moustache under the nose. There is a childish thing at his face but the bold frame glasses hiding  it very well. Generally, he is a serious man. Only he talks with  final  year students when he finished his round or outdoor! Subject remains mainly patient's mind, behaviour, aptitude etc. Today is also he was discussing that & don't know why i said about myself..!

After came out from sir's  room i realized that i have done childish. Raised this topic i have just given myself to my classmates.

Raihan, someone I rarely converse with, unexpectedly shared, 'I enjoy flying kites in the rain, but my kite ends up getting wet! Ha ha ha...' The laughter echoed with the other boys, including my friend Samir. It felt like a part of me crumbled. 

After two days, at our initial meeting, Sir inquired, 'How are you, Renu?' 'Well, sir.' Trying to evade further conversation, I mentioned having a class. He persisted, 'Listen, that day you mentioned crying. Do you have a specific memory associated with rain?'

What an  irritation! Said just words & he remembered.. May be that's why people used to say,every psychiatrist needs  a psychiatrist!

~'Memory? Never thought about it.'

 ~'ok,think about it,what make u cry.' 

 ~'ok,sir'

Here, I want to reveal something unknown to my friends. Discussions about marriage with this professor are ongoing in my family. His family has proposed, and my father informed them that no decision would be made without consulting me. I remained silent, unsure of what to say. The matter remains unresolved, and I wonder why Sir hasn't directly approached me. Perhaps my rural background makes it hard for me to express myself straightforwardly, but Sourov Sir, why doesn't he?

Observing a girl every day and sending a proposal to her family without saying anything to her seems perplexing. Is this a reality in this era, or is he reluctantly complying with family pressure? Many girls admire Sourov Sir, and even in my class, at least four have a crush on him. They express their admiration dramatically, claiming he's so cool, almost melting like ice cream. I worry about what will happen to them if we get married.

Sir has asked me to contemplate, but I haven't. Instead, I immerse myself in my studies, although fleeting thoughts emerge. A picturesque village, warm people, their heartwarming gestures. On some rainy days, a pond forms in the yard, and people navigate with boats. Amidst these images, a humiliated teenage face from my last visit to a hospital looms large in my mind.

 I'm a village girl, and I find it challenging to open up to these incredibly intelligent girls who casually discuss crushes and breakups. No one from my background has ever reached this point before.

During a routine visit, my father expressed concern, saying, 'Dear, you haven't said anything about that proposal.' I mustered the courage to reply, 'Say no, I don't want to get married now.' He appeared upset, muttering, 'I'm getting old.' I understand his worries. I've turned down two proposals before, and although this one seems promising and rare, he acknowledges he can't impose marriage on an educated girl.

Didn't attend few classes of sourov sir. I avoided him intentionally. One day he called me. No one was in his room. He said, 'did u think?' ' on what matter,sir?' 'that one u mentioned about crying ' I got irritated. Out of my nature i answered rudely, 'this is my personal matter, sir.' may be he got shock. His upset face told everything. He closed eyes for once n said, 'hmmm..'

~'May i go out, sir?'

~ ' r u bored of me?'

~ 'no,no sir' 

~ ' may b u don't like me, do you? I heard,  u didn't except our proposal? ' 

'I bow down my head. Sir asked me, ' do u love someone? ' 

~'don't know,sir'

~ 'don't know? & what does it mean? ' 

~ ' just feel sorrow thinking about someone. '

~ 'If u think not only a teacher but also a friend u can say to me.'

 may b there was something in his voice. I got emotional. Here,i never tell this anyone . But seems,i can tell him now. Unspoken words is so heavy to bear. 

'Someone loved me very much. He was from our village. Just because i refused him, he tried to commit suicide. ' 'does he alive?' 'yes sir,his stomach was washed in our College hospital. They found a letter in his pocket written towards me.' 'do u love him?' 'don't know sir. But feel pain..' 'no renu, u don't love him. U r just pity on him. '

I gazed at Sir for a while. His confident words made me reconsider my perspective. Feeling newfound courage, I dared to ask, 'Do you love someone, sir?'

He admitted, 'I do. But I didn't realize it until the day you refused me... What's strange is, it was raining that day. I don't know what came over me. I went to the rooftop and let the rain soak me. Can you imagine? Suddenly, I realized my eyes were wet not just from the rain but also with tears.' I teased, 'Dramatic.' He insisted, 'No, Renu, believe me. It was the emptiness ,feelings like u lost ur life.. .'

'I can see tears on those eyes.. Even    when sir is not looking me. Our smart girl's crush sourov sir, i have never seen him like this.

Will i hold sir's hand?  I want to...!